Learning to live life like this

4 years ago, we lost a a great man. This man is a father of 3, a hard worker, a very opinionated person, loud, funny, loving and spiritual and he showed you in his own way.  He left us after a very long battle with stage 4 cancer. His life, the battle with cancer, his death and everything since has formed us into the family we now are.

Everything about this day (March 8, 2010) is as clear as if it was a minute ago. There are a few moments in your life that you will remember as if it just happened, this is one of those.

When we lost him, we needed time heal. Time differs for everyone involved in the loss of a loved one but once you get past the shock, fear, depression and the loss itself....you can learn to live the life that you now have.

It took me over 2 years to heal from the loss of my Dad. (and honestly, I still cry and morn when needed)
I still look to my Dad for answers and help when I need it. I always will, however, now I just have to pray to talk to him. There are times when I think about how unfair it is for me, my brother, sister and Mom that he is no longer with us. How young he was and had so much more to give. How Logan and Charlie will not know just how soft and how much of a spoiler their Papa had become.

However, my family has learned how to live without him being here all while still keeping him close to us. Celebrating him. Thinking of him. My family has created traditions in these last few years. We go out to eat on his birthday. We go to his grave on the anniversary of his death. We talk about what he would have said about something we are eating, doing or planning. We keep him alive within our everyday life as much as we can.

We are now at the point where we are able to share stories that make us laugh instead of cry. There are still times when tears well up and events that will trigger thoughts of unfairness. Thoughts of sadness. We know he is with us in spirit during these times.

So this is us now. Four years later. A family living a life without an important member but keeping him close to us every step of the way.

Happy Birthday Dad!

On Friday February 28th, you would have been 62 years old.

I cannot believe that number. To me you will always be the young Dad and Papa. Hard working. Thin with a bit of a beer belly. Tattooed. Loud. Fun. Fierce. Family oriented. Lover of picnics and family gatherings. The only way I really knew you were getting older was that you got a lot softer in your "old" age. 

We went out to Saga for a hibachi dinner instead of going to Apple-bee's. You would have loved it there and we really wish you had been here to celebrate with us. We miss you so so so much. Which I know that you know.

This week is a hard week. We have your birthday and then 8 days later the anniversary of your passing. Dominic had a bit of a hard time on Thursday, our poor buddy. He has decided that he wants to get the necklace with your picture on it blessed. Honestly, I am not sure how that will work since we are not catholic but I am going to check your sister.

We love you always and miss you more every day!  Hope you enjoyed your celebration.